The Fuckit List
Last year as I hit my preliminary expiry date, (before developing my own little virtual mind dump on the internet), I asked my Facebook friends for some advice on one of the most common questions I had been asked in that 12 months. That query was, “What had I put on my ‘Bucket List?” For those of you who for some reason haven’t come across this term, this is a list of things to do before you die.
To be honest, being a cantankerous middle aged man of simple pleasures and limited imagination, I’m pretty happy sharing time with my family, and spending a Saturday night watching Match of the Day with a cold beer; even if my team’s usual performance normally inspires me to further foreshorten my already limited time on this planet.
However, those frequent enquiries into my shamefully unambitious plans motivated me to start a ‘Fuckit List'; an index of indifference, a catalogue of clichéd ambitions that I refuse to set myself as a measure my life’s contentment, success and validity. (Tony Hancock is alive and well and lives in me.)
The lists below include my own thoughts but also the helpful advice of some other volunteers. I’ll keep adding as flashes of inspiration strike me. Please feel free to offer advice of any underwhelming experiences you suggest I should avoid.
Obviously I wouldn’t want you to think I’m all lugubrious cynic so to ensure a healthy balance I have included a nice positive, and in some cases even achievable, bucket list. A few of which have already been ticked off. Again, please feel free to offer your suggestions!
- Don’t go swimming with dolphins
- Don’t climb Mount Kilimanjaro
- Don’t run the London Marathon
- Do not go and see the Northern Lights
- Do not do a parachute or bungee jump
- Make my wife and kids smile once a day
- Start a shameless website
- Drink a bottle of wine from the year I was born
- Swim with great white sharks
- Best man at my brother’s wedding
- Spend a night in a police cell
- Convince the kids the Princess Bride is the greatest film ever
- Learn to play the guitar
- Find a kebab that tastes good before I get drunk
- Star in a tabloid newspaper problem page photo story
- See Liverpool Football Club win the Premier League