Ding Dong!

Ding Dong

So there I am busying myself around the house not really achieving much when the doorbell goes. Maybe it’s my delivery of Gravity on Blu Ray. As I approach the door I can see through the window it’s no such luck, not unless UPS has started employing elderly ladies in tea cosy hats.

They are in tag team formation and I feel there is going to be some kind of demand for commitment coming. Too late though, the same advantage I have of spotting them they also share, and hiding behind the sofa is not an option.

“Hello there!” I say with a less than completely genuine smile as I open the door. I feel guilty already, could there be two more innocuous and pleasant looking ladies in the whole of our middle class town?

The one at the front has a folder in hand, while the one behind wears a supportive smile; she’s probably the muscle. “I know people are busy, so can I just leave you one of these?”

Wow that was easy. I look at a pamphlet that has been offered to me. ‘Would You Like to Know the Truth?’

Well of course I would! Who wouldn’t?! Hang on though, this isn’t Edward Snowden and Julian Assange at my door. I am not getting an incredible insight into the secret machinations of our government’s dark practices. As I look at the next level of font, I realise this is something altogether more sinister; this is God trying to sneak in…they don’t even declare themselves Jehovah’s Witnesses anymore.

“Oh, I have to tell you. You have the wrong house. Of all the houses, you definitely have the wrong house…or…” Suddenly an idea illuminates the interior of my head. “…maybe not, maybe you have come to the exactly the right house! Wait there.” I go back inside and return with my recently delivered www.whothehelldoeshethinkheis.com business cards. “Here, I’ll read yours if you read mine.”

The leading missionary, still maintaining her enthusiastic smile, (I can tell it’s starting to hurt) looks down at the card and reads. ‘Who The Hell Does He Think He Is?’ Er…’The Unfettered Mind of a Terminally Ill Twat’. Oh…

“Are you the engineer?”

“No I write that website. I promise to read yours, if you read mine.”

The supporting missionary, without the benefit of a business card is still smiling, albeit a little bemused.

“Okay then, thank you. Goodbye.” Says the first.

I hope they come back, I feel like I need the mental exercise and it’s been a long time since I helped anyone lose their religion. Anyway I’m going to go one better than just read the pamphlet, just click below if you would like to know the truth…

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4 Comments. Leave new

I so wonder if they are reading your blog with as much bemusement as I am reading that pamphlet!

Jeremy Allen
April 21, 2014 1:22 PM

We’ll having read the pamphlet I am already feeling so much better about life,death and everything in between.Just when I was beginning to wonder wether I could ever find true peace in my life I have been blessed in finding The Lord.
But wait………….seems to me good old god absolves himself of blame for anything whilst taking credit for everything? Promises us ordinary folk eternal peace as long as he doesn’t have to show himself or prove himself(and no I’m not talking about a “miracle” 2000 years ago or some one telling me about their sore knee or elbow cured by the miracle that is prayer).
What I would like is one Wednesday for god or one of his agents here on earth to tell us a specific time and place where a real,bloody massive miracle to happen for the whole world to watch live on Sky as it unfolds.Hmmmm something like………we’ll how about Jesus coming back so HE can do some of his tricks? Feeding 5000? Pah!!!!!! Feed the whole damn planet!!!! Healing a lame man??? Heal the whole sick world!!! The list is endless isn’t it?
No more need for just that simple “leap of faith”—- PURE PROOF IS ALL ANY OF US WANT!!!!!!!!
Peace be with you all this Easter period.


Thank you Jer,

I am really looking forward to our discussions on the religion articles i am working on. I think we are going to have some great to and fro. Originally I just wanted to start with a simple question on the place of organised religion in contemporary UK society, but have realised that there is no way to address this without addressing the more fundamental issues first. Therefore I am writing four separate, but linked articles at once and will release one at a time so we can focus on each component properly. Should be fun!

Jeremy allen
April 30, 2014 1:57 AM

Eamonn I am very interested in what you will write and hope that it sparks some debate also.


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